I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I AM VODKA MAN
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
