Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
