The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
