Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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