I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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