Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
