the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
