is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
