Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
