So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
