Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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