I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
