So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
