T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
