Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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