they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
