I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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