I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
