i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
