i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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