respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
