My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
