I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize