and i looked up. we had an audience...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
