i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
