there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize