I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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