At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
