Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize