Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
