His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm bleeding and have questions
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
