So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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