My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Less talking, more tequila
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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