Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
