direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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