She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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