The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
