Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
we should paint friendship bongs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
