what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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