Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
