I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
