found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just pee around me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
