i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
