Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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