end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
