Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
