got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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