8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
