Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
