remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
