i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
