the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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