I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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