i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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