Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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