when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
