Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
