she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
