Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
