He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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