he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
