I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
