Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize