so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize