Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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