Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize