he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
